What would Kant's sexts look like? How would Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir break up? What would Confucius think of Tinder?

Love Voltaire Us Apart is a hilarious spoof relationship guide with a philosophical edge, made up of philosophers' love letters, advice columns and breakup letters.

From Confucius learning the Golden Rules of dating to Simone de Beauvoir considering bangs after breaking up with Jean-Paul Sartre, comedy writer Julia Edelman views the love lives of prominent philosophers through a clever and contemporary lens. She points out that Margaret Fuller is the "Carrie" of transcendentalism, and Nietzsche will always find a way to make a bad breakup infinitely worse.

"Getting Meta(Physical)--Who is Your Philosopher Crush?" is the only quiz you'll need to find your soul mate, and "How To Know if Your Man is Writing a Manifesto" will show you how to avoid losing your relationship to imminent revolution.

Based on Edelman's New Yorker article, "Excerpts from Philosophers' Breakup Letters Throughout History," Love Voltaire Us Apart is funny, smart, refreshingly original, and brought to life with charming illustrations by Hallie Bateman.